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Chapter One Excerpt:

I’m lucky. Sometimes I even forget I’m pregnant. And then, boom! I get a kick in the stomach! – Heidi Klum

Chapter 1. Pregnant Women Do Crazy Things

When I teach this class in person I ask every guy in the room to share the craziest thing his wife has done since she got pregnant. We get our fair share of mood swings, morning sickness and food cravings. Pickles and ice cream? Boring. How about pickles, ice cream and hot sauce?

One of my favorite stories was a guy who took his wife, on her request, to Burger King. As soon as they ordered their food she demanded they leave immediately. She was going to be sick. So they left before the food came, and went to McDonald’s. Once again they ordered their food and before it arrived she had him marching back out to the car. Next stop Taco Bell. For the third time they ordered and she needed to leave. This time he sent her to the car, waited for the food, and ate it before heading out to check on her.

I have heard everything from crying at a Bud Lite commercial – and, no, not one of those touching ones, one of the comical ones – to leaving her car keys in the refrigerator. One guy even bragged about how his wife’s farts finally stunk.

My own wife lost her sense of balance while pregnant. At five months, she was riding her bike and fell while riding over a garden hose. Her doctor told her to quit riding the bike.

Sometimes I get guys telling me their wives have done nothing crazy. So I ask them. Morning sickness? Mood swings? Nesting? (you know, that crazy cleaning frenzy where she has you on your hands and knees washing baseboards… for the third time in a week?) One guy admitted that yes, his wife had morning sickness. I had to ask, “Was she throwing up every day before she got pregnant?” That’s crazy stuff.

And you know what causes the craziness?

Right. Hormones. Well, more likely an imbalance or at least changing levels of hormones. Like I said, I’m not a doctor.

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Chapter 2. The Big Lie

And how long do those hormonal changes last? How long is a pregnancy? Nine months? Forty weeks?

Yeah, that is what they have been telling us all these years. They figure if we know the end is in sight we can put up with about anything.

But the truth is that it takes…

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